Joke: Definition of marriage
Marriage: Where you have to keep paying for sex long after you had it.
Marriage: Where you have to keep paying for sex long after you had it.
Virgin Airline ad: We are much more experienced than our name suggests!
Que. What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?
Ans. Stay out of BED for two days.
Que. What is common between a girl’s legs and Amul butter?
Ans. Both are delicious when spread.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!
Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
Root of problem: The chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
As we age, our priorities change.
The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, I tied her up and went golfing.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Wrinkles add character.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the time.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Que. God gave you 2 legs to walk, 2 hands to to hold, 2 ears to hear, 2 eyes to see - but why did He give you only one heart?
Ans. Because He gave the other one to someone for you to find.